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Breaking Point

Posted 7/27/2018

Have you ever reached a breaking point in your life?  How did you overcome it?


We all have reached a point in our lives when we think we can no longer tolerate it.  Whether it was academic failure, relationship breakdown, job loss, or disconnect with family or friends, we came to the conclusion that the situation would be irreversible, irreparable, or stuck.  Often, the situation is so bleak that the only logical "solution" is to commit suicide, thinking that we are the problem, and the problem would disappear if we disappear.


This is the ultimate breaking point.  And that was partly how the title of my upcoming novel--Breaking Point--come about.

Breaking Point is a story about a Christian man seeking for self worth and appreciation.  We are more content when others find us worthy.  We feel loved when others appreciate us or our deeds for them.  In contrast, we feel hopeless and are depressed when others don't appreciate us or find us worthless.


I once felt that way.  Actually twice.  First was before I became a Christian.  The second time was after a breakup.


My first Breaking Point


I was born and raised in a loving family with committed parents who emphasized on family values.  But as I reached adulthood, I gradually became hopeless in life.  Why? Well, I was born prematurely with underdeveloped eyes, so I was visually impaired since birth, while my two siblings were born and grew up healthy.  Even without parental bias, I considered myself as the worst or weakest among my siblings.  I needed extra attention and care, especially when it came to seeing or reading things.  I couldn't choose careers like able-bodied people because of my limited vision.  I was in a disadvantage when competing with job applicants. 


As I struggled in college--receiving academic probation and suspensions--I became more hopeless in life. Failing in college meant no good career, which would mean poor life, no wife, and no family.  My three life gals: successful career, lasting marriage, and happy family--were at stake.  My poor outlook in life led to my suicide contemplation. 


My Second Breaking Point


By God's love, He prepared friends to bring me to Christ before I'd have done stupid things to harm myself and others.  My second breaking Point happened six years after I believed in God.  After dating a beautiful and caring Christian woman for four years, we mutually broke up. It wasn't anyone's fault; it was partly because--as some falling outs in businesses--conflicts of life directions.  But regardless of the reason, breakup sucks. As a competitive person, I hated losing, and losing a relationship that I thought was a gift from God sucked.  It devastated my faith and trust to Him and affected my emotions.


For eight months, I argued with God over the breakup.  Why did He allow this to happen?  What would I have done to salvage the relationship?  When and who will I marry one day, if this was even in His plan?  My emotions were in turmoil, and yes, I wished I was never born like Job did.  Why didn't God grant me what I want to achieve my life gls?  What was wrong with me?  I may not had find ways to kill myself like I did before I believe, but I almost abandoned Him.


How these relate to the novel Breaking Point


in Breaking Point , twenty-year-old Casey Fleury struggles to achieve his life goal to prove himself and gain loved ones' appreciation.  He wants to play in the NHL, but he often gets too angry on ice that gets him in trouble.  After he dismisses by his junior hockey team, his friends deserts him and his girlfriend leaves him.  All these lead him to contemplate suicide, because his life goals aren't met and no one appreciates him.  


Casey represents my ideal self: an able-bodied person who wants to play in the NHL.  However, no one is perfect, neither him, nor me.  In many aspects, Casey portrays me because I want readers to realize that the struggles I had can happen to anyone.  It depends on how one chooses to overcome the struggles before it's too late.


This is just the first of many blog posts about my upcoming novel Breaking PointNext entry, I will retrace my journey on writing this book.  





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